


Remember

by MaddieOfficial



Category: Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Depression, First Date, First Fight, First Kiss, I'm Sorry, M/M, Suicide, cut me some slack, suicide note, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:44:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6243760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieOfficial/pseuds/MaddieOfficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I remember it all, Tyler. And it's gotten to be too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember

To my dearest,   
I remember the first time I ever saw you, Tyler. It was the first day of our senior year of high school, and you looked so nervous as you took a seat in the back corner of the classroom, right next to mine. I remember you looked over at me and gave a shy smile. And I remember how beautiful I thought you were, with your messy hair and crinkled eyes. 

I remember the first time we hung out, Tyler. You invited me to your house to show me your basement. After telling me that you liked to make music, I wanted to see where you worked. I remember hearing what you played for me, and how you blushed after you were finished. "It's crap, I know." I wish I could've told you that it was one of the prettiest things I'd ever heard, but I couldn't. I was speechless. 

I remember the first time we kissed, Tyler. We were at your house, sitting on the sofa and making fun of the shitty soap opera we were watching. I laughed at something you said, and felt your eyes looking at me. I turned to look at you, and then I felt the warmth of your lips on mine. I remember your hand on my cheek, the soft innocence of it. I remember closing my eyes and seeing light instead of dark. 

I remember our first official date, Tyler. You hated the formal, sit-down dinner types of dates, so we went to the city and drove around, admiring its liveliness. I remember thinking how lucky i was to have met you. I remember us stopping at a coffee shop, a little hole in the wall, and listening to the band that played there. I remember how you stood up and took my hand, and danced with me as everyone watched and smiled at the fun we were having. I remember taking you home that night and wishing that I could relive the day we had had over and over again. 

I remember the first time we had sex, Tyler. Your parents had left for the weekend to go on vacation, so we had your house to ourselves. We both were high from the pot we had smoked in the bathroom earlier, and were giggling uncontrollably. I remember the suddenness of it. I remember the heat of the kiss. I remember how gentle I was with you, and how you moaned my name when I kissed you on that one spot on your neck. I remember how you told me you loved me afterwards. And I remember thinking about how much I didn't want to lose you as you slept in my arms. 

I remember our first fight, Tyler. I remember the screaming and the tears. I hated seeing you cry. I remember you pushing me away as I tried to apologize. I remember how I left you alone after that. What a stupid thing to do. I remember how I couldn't sleep that night because I was waiting for you to answer my calls and text messages. It felt like an eternity when you finally did answer me. 

I remember how different it was after we made up, Tyler. I remember you didn't smile as much as you did before. I remember how it didn't feel the same when we kissed. I remember how much it hurt when you moved your hand when I tried to hold it. I remember wanting to end it. I remember hating myself for that. I remember not wanting to give up on you. I didn't want to give up on us. 

I remember when you officially ended it, Tyler. I remember how calm you were. "I think we should break up, Josh." I remember how I had known it was coming. I remember you leaving. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling, because I didn't know what else to do. I remember how much I thought of you a few days afterwards. I remember feeling like the world had ended. Because you were my world, Tyler. 

I remember it all, Tyler. And it's gotten to be too much. 

I've been so lost without you. You're all I think about. Have you eaten today? Have you been sleeping well? Did you laugh today? Is it raining where you are? I can't listen to music without thinking about the piece that you showed me. I can't drink coffee without thinking about how we danced in that coffee shop on our first date. I can't live like this. 

I need you, but I know that I can't have you. And so that is why I want you to remember this one thing for me: I will always love you, Tyler Joseph. Even after I am elsewhere. I will love you in that moment between being asleep and being awake; that moment of blissful content, that moment of peace. I will love you when you make music, and continue to do the great things that you do. I will love you the day that you graduate. I will love you when you meet someone else. I will love you the day that you get married. I will love you when you are laughing and crying. I hope you can love me again one day. 

Forever,   
Josh


End file.
